I don’t know how many times I click on a title about coping skills only for it to tell me to breath. I am not trying to knock it if it works for people but most of the time my brain tells my body to breath and me trying to slow down my breathing does not work. I even purchased this cute bear that lights up and changes color when I am supposed to inhale and exhale. It still does not help me calm down. The list I am about to talk about is not intended to tell readers they will work for them or even to go and try these coping skills. They are purely some of the things I use to help myself in moments of distress.
1. Virtual Reiki
I remember the first time I heard the word Reiki, I was working in hospice and heard one of the nurses offer a patient for a volunteer to come and do Reiki on them. In the car I asked the nurse what it was and I still was not sure I understood other than their hands moved in a motion and something happened and she really wasn’t sure how to describe it. I came across Reiki on Youtube and tried it, I was going thru a difficult time and decided what the hell. I remember finishing the video/session feeling like I could take on the world. If I am at home and can have some time to be uninterrupted this would be my number one pick. I simply go on Youtube and type Virtual Reiki and pick a video.
2. Walking/Running
The first time I tried this I had been home from psychiatric stay number 3 for less than a day and felt like I wanted to run away, literally. Now I knew I could not run away because I had kids, a job, probation, responsibilities. So I put my shoes on and headed out the door. My oldest daughter not trusting me to be alone was right behind me acting as though she just needed the exercise. To go around the block where I live is exactly one mile, by the time I got home whatever it was I was upset about did not matter. By that time I realized how out of shape I was and just wanted to flop on the bed and ask the universe to not let my heart go into cardiac arrest. Sometimes I get back to the house and still am angry, wanting to cry, feeling that empty feeling in my chest so I keep going. Usually that second mile has death knocking and me realizing I need to work out more.
3. I can commit suicide after…
I learned this skill in the hospital and was surprised I had not heard it before. I have used it a couple times when I felt like I was back in that dark hole or that I there was no hope and can say it does work as odd as it sounds. You don’t tell yourself not to commit suicide you delay it. You can pick an event, a later date, a tv series, anything that is a moment in time in the future. Now this does not mean you can say, in 60 seconds I will commit suicide. At times I have said after my daughter graduates college, after next payday, after my birthday, after the next season of Ginny and Georgia comes out. I have even said I am too tired and will do it tomorrow night. Usually when that time comes the crisis or dark feeling has passed and the desire is no longer there. Again the point is to pick something far enough in the future to give time for the crisis to pass. Now if you or anyone you know is actively suicidal don’t pick a future date, get help, call 988, 911, go to the hospital, go to a crisis center, I don’t care what just get help.
4. ABC’s of a topic
This skill is one that is more common then some of the others I usually go to. I find I use it when I am around others or needing to calm myself for sleep. I pick the first topic that comes to mind, I have no idea why but this is often fruit or cities. I just start naming fruit that starts at the beginning of the alphabet. If it is before bedtime I often find I start falling asleep and I lose track of what letter I am on and have to go back a couple of letters to figure out where I am. While this is not very mindful it does tell me the skill is working as I am relaxed enough that I am falling asleep. I will sometimes challenge myself to calm down enough to do the skill if I try to throw out the idea of using it.
5. Hot penning
Make sure whatever you write you destroy any evidence of so if not so nice things are written no one finds it. Hot penning I learned while obtaining my masters. I use to get so annoyed when my professor would make us do it as often my mind would go blank and I would have nothing to write. Now this does not mean type it out, it means pick up a pen and grab some paper and write until you are exhausted. It does not matter how nice and neat it looks, it is not a love letter to your crush. Anything and everything that comes to mind just put it down on the paper. If all you can thing at the time is “fuck, fuck, fuck” then write it over and over until you have a sense of relief. The idea is to get everything and anything out that is going on internally.
6. Volunteer or do something nice for someone else
This one may be more appropriate for difficult times rather than in the moment. There is something about doing something for someone or some place in need that makes you feel good inside. I always struggled with only wanting to do these things for my codependent peeps and forced myself to look in the community and find other places. I found once I went one day to the community garden and pulled weeds and left feeling like I had a new purpose. Maybe I did not go back as often as I had wanted to but it felt good knowing I was making a difference and helping others. I am not a get dirty, risk having bugs crawl on me, be in the sun sweating all day kind of gal, but this was different. If you can’t get out of the house write letters to senior citizens or other populations that need a kind word. You can get on the internet and find places that accept letter donations.
When all else fails there is nothing wrong with ordering ice cream, Taco Bell, pizza, fries or whatever else is comfort for you and indulge for that day. The thing about coping skills is it does not have to be a traditional coping skill for it to be used. It is about what helps us as people get through a moment in time as long as it is not harming ourselves in the process. I used to feel like I had none because I was thinking of the traditional list of coping skills. I realized it is about what I find helps me and this is just a glimpse of my list.
Please Note: The information provided in this post is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this blog. Reliance on any information provided by this blog is solely at your own risk. If you are in crisis or you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.