Security cameras should require a screening process before someone can buy one. In 2018 I was leaving an abusive relationship which meant my anxiety and depression was already in overdrive. My delusions were in full gear telling me what was going to happen. I would sit and watch those cameras every chance I had making sure no one was after me. Now I can look back and see he was too narcissistic to come after me, but in times of high stress I have the belief there is someone after me, I just don’t know who.
Delusions are different for different people, and I can only speak for myself about what mine are like. I do not even know who it is that is after me, but they are coming like the Tasmanian devil. Now I should add, I have nothing of value, I have no knowledgeable information that is going to solve the world problems, and I am pretty sure after an hour they would return me because of the ability to annoy someone. What this all means is that there is no reason for anyone to come after me. I do not have some exciting story about being the child of a sniper played out in Hollywood. I can acknowledge all of this and before finishing this post I will have ensured no one is watching me or outside the house.
I remember the first time I fed into this delusion I had to be maybe 7 or 8 years old. I was home from school (a different blog topic) and was posted up in the spot at the window on the front of the house. It was a bay window and the right side you could look down to the front door. My mom worked three jobs and was at one of them, organizing the cards at a local store. Remember this was the 90’s when kids were home alone at a much younger age. But I was in my spot at the window where just the top of my head was above the bottom of the window, just enough for my eyes to peer out the window. That’s when it happened, they showed up to get me. I was not sure if this meant death or kidnapping but they were there for me. Only he did not get out of the car, he sat parked on the street outside the house in his car. Now at the time I was sure it was hours, probably half the day, but it was maybe 10 minutes looking back. I needed to save myself and I called 911. “Trina it’s Kyla, is my mom there, there is a guy in his car out front and he’s after me,” my mom worked for 911 so it was a normal conversation for me to know the dispatcher. “No, Kyla she left at 7am, is she at Gibson’s?” “Trina he is at the door, he is breaking in, he is going to get me”. Okay maybe he was not breaking in but he was at the door, ringing the door bell, so in my mind he is breaking in. With Trina on the phone I crawled back over to the spot, my spot, my watch and wait spot. I peer over the window ledge trying to see what was happening, only he saw me. He waited a few minutes and went back to his car to wait. By this point Trina had dispatched an officer, but he must have been sleeping because I was sure hours had past. From my spot at the window I saw the officer arrive, minutes later my mom arrived home. I see the officer talk to the guy and the guy gets out of the car walks across the street, rings the doorbell, and goes inside after being met by the neighbor. He rang the wrong doorbell and had an appointment with the neighbor. I stood by my belief he was there because he finally found me to take me or kill. I know it was delusion now, but at the time it was real.
Fast forward to 2018 and there was no spot to be posted up in, hello security cameras. I justified it to my mom and friend that I was scared he was coming, but I am sure they knew I was watching for them to arrive to get me. I had a notification turned on for when there was movement outside. I honestly don’t remember what I was doing at the time but my phone alerted me to movement outside. I looked on the camera and the car was parked outside my house. It was late, maybe 8 or 9 at night. I could not see what the man was doing but he was just sitting in front of my house. He pulls up a little bit to the vehicle of mine parked on the street as though he is looking at it, and then backs up to in front of my house. Now this was a nice new upper class subdivision where most of the lots were still empty or under construction. No sketchy business happens in this subdivision, partly because there is only one way in and out. I knew the moment had come, the unknown man was there for me. I called 911 to say some guy was trying to get into my house.
It must have been a busy night because not only did dispatch tell me officers would be there as soon as they could be but she was also hanging up with me. At some point while on the phone with dispatch the car disappeared. When police did arrive i had my two young daughters locked in the walk in closet with me. I had two AR-15’s, a 9mm, and a little 22 out of the safe and in the bedroom ready to protect us. Officers called my phone to let me know they were outside. When they came in I quickly told them the safety was on my guns but I did have them out. I proceeded to tell them about the alert, the car, pulling forward as though looking in my car than backing up, the abusive ex, and how I did not see where the car went while on the phone with dispatch and could not find the camera capturing him leaving. The officers looked around, noted the evidence stickers on my truck in the drive way and I think at that point decided to leave classifying me as trouble.
I went inside and but the handgun and 1 AR-15 away. I laid in bed and looked at the cameras trying to see where the car went. Security cameras were new to me and I was not good at reviewing footage. But then there it was, I saw where the car went. He pulled up a few feet, got out of his car, reached in grabbed a red DoorDash insulated bag, walked up to my neighbors house, handed her the items inside the bag, returned to his vehicle, and left. No I did not call dispatch back to let them know, and yes I am sure the man was there because the time had come for them to get me. DoorDash was just his cover, an excuse to not believe it was a delusion.
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